Stumped is how I was feeling as I sat to write this week’s blog. What do I say? And I waited for inspiration. Come come come sweet inspiration! My intention is to offer something worth offering and I don’t want to write as a result of thinking about it too much. I leave a lot to the flow of not thinking… to allowing for things… for the sweet magic of life… as I smile at a divine energy I become more and more familiar with every day. So I sit in this very comfortable Starbucks™ coffee shop in Castaic, California, and decide to see (eyes open but not really looking at anything), hear, and feel the energy that flows through me and outside me in a very present silence that holds the noise of the world.

I become available to the creative…

Even as an actor, spontaneous instinctive availability is key to an organic performance… a sincere performance… a truthful performance. The ability to let go of intellectual analysis in the present moment can be a difficult thing to manage when so much of one’s intellect has been used to understand and prepare a character for a performance. See, a lot of layers of a character’s personality can be brought to life if an actor spends the time and the mental and physical energy to absorb, research, guesstimate, create and dissect a character’s psychology and history from the given information, actions and words in a script. And this process is meant to feed the actor’s brain a detailed plethora of reasons for the motivation(s) behind the character’s behaviors. You discover your character through application of information and through rehearsal, and finally step out onto that stage, breathing 4-dimensional intricate life in stages into one-dimensional lines off pages. You offer yourself as an instrument of expression… to cause an effect… to move people to feel and think or think about their feelings. It was this affect of movies on me that attracted me to watching them all my life. I even spent three months in 2003 in my newly rented flat in Mumbai just watching 3 to 5 dvds everyday! I remember a time when if I would cry while watching a movie, I would love the movie, or at least that part of it, because it moved me enough to cry. That I could be moved to tears seemed to have a deep impact on me… it left me feeling alive to an aspect of life that felt very real. It felt like something very important had been stimulated inside of me. It validated an important idea of me. I feel therefore I am. It made me feel human as I lost myself in human emotions. Key point here being “I lost myself” in human emotions… but I didn’t realize this then.

As recently as five months ago, I read a book based on a true, tragic, touching and finally spiritually uplifting story involving a little girl and I found myself weeping profusely at some point in the story. I honestly can’t remember if I cried out of joy or sadness. Probably joy because I am most easily moved to tears by reconciliation of loved ones and realizations of hopes and dreams. But the fact that I can’t remember or don’t care to remember why I cried profusely is a good sign. Not from a place of ignoring or suppressing anything, but from a place of a deep spiritual realization that your past is not who you are and it has no hold on your capacities and reality today.

Michael Jackson, in spite of his huge creative accomplishments, financial success and tremendous fan-following was simultaneously a pained man in search of clarity and balance, in search of solutions to his puzzles, and that’s what makes many feel for him even more. Many of us relate to pain. We sympathize and empathize with it. Almost give the experience a nod and a thumbs-up as in, hey, that’s life. It’s a normal part of life. It is an accepted part of life. And if we go too long without feeling pain, well, something is amiss… life isn’t really happening or exciting enough. In fact, trust me, you will find a reason to feel pain after a period of joy or no pain… unconsciously at least. And then there are times you don’t even know why you are feeling sad or low… but you are. Because this cyclic low experience is part and parcel of the you that you have been since god only knows how long. And you will say, “I am sad” when the fact you don’t know is that you are not at all the sadness that is passing through you. Sadness is not your innate nature and it is in your power to put it in its place… out of your defining it as a part of the natural you. It’s not always easy to remove oneself from one’s past experiences projecting into the now and observe recurring patterns that exist. But it is extremely imperative.

We’ve heard expressions like “It’s good to cry.” I’m not saying it isn’t good or is good, I’m just saying, this has been accepted and offered as a positive expression of consolation through generations. Or the expression, “Don’t laugh too hard… you’ll be crying soon.” This particular one I actually always had a problem with because it interrupts the flow of happiness with a fearful warning of inevitable negativity, as in, there is a very real, out-of-your-control negative reality that will put you in your sad state soon so, “Be afraid. Be very very afraid.”

In fact, as I started to uncover the Truth of me… my true power, my abundance and limitlessness… which, by the way, is your unshakable wonder and beauty too… I recognized the block to my true progress… to my resilient success. The block to my progress was the times I didn’t recognize that I wasn’t being me… when fear-driven emotions or reactions were taking over… which are the workings of an ego that very naturally projects the fears/insecurities/negatives of the past into the now and the anticipated future, thus not allowing a person to be available in his/her energy to newness and sweet surprises in the present moment. I was not aware I could actually check myself on this… that I could address my reactions by being a wiser-than-my-ego’s-antics kind of watcher, by being the observing audience of any emotional upheaval within me rather than the actor experiencing them.

I did not know how to (or that I needed to) recognize myself as the free-flow of the immortal universal energy (the amazing creator of my present moment) versus a fearful mortal idea of me. The mortal me is the slowly but surely disintegrating body and the restless burdened mind with all its angst from needing life to go a somewhat certain way so I can get what I “need” to make happiness a reality (this “need” on the level of mind and ego will keep changing in the unconscious state of living ). So over time I found myself re-suffering the pains of a person denied resources in a limited world (for example enough money, enough love.) This repeated suffering is called a pattern. “But I am doing my best” I thought… and I was. But I didn’t know the importance being my best played in this process. Because I didn’t know me and just how amazing I am when I know how to be a human being.

There isn’t enough time, there isn’t enough opportunity, there isn’t enough this or that and I am missing my chances—these were ideas I did not consciously subscribe to, but as I struggled and felt frustrated, fear would get the better. Even if I consciously philosophized that my opportunities were awaiting me for sure, frustration and fear did creep into my life… a dead give-away to fearful thought processes taking over. I would find myself returning to a struggle, a sense of loss of surety and a helpless dependence— a feeling of not being the creator of my life, but a hopeful desperate wisher of it. “A beggar,” as Eckhart Tolle, a spiritual guide, says. This is a painful place to be. And a lie.

So my innate Truth as I have experienced it today, thankfully and gratefully and consciously, is that I am not helpless, and pain is not any part of who I am, it is a feeling that emerges based on scary ideas that emanate from an out-of-check mind… false ideas of how the world works and who I am.

I am a tremendous powerful energy. I am Joyful energy. And I, this joy I am, have been waiting to be felt in my every knowing cell and in my every awakened present moment as I observe and respond as wise to life situations. And as I thus savor and celebrate life, it provides me more magic to marvel in and be grateful for and celebrate. And so it goes and goes and goes. What a refreshing experience this new kind of recurring pattern! I mean really, if you had a choice of which pattern you could choose for yourself, which would you?

Well… I did have a choice I discovered.

As do you.

But how does one arrive to this simple liberating truth. To this celebration. Or to this calm in knowing a divine power within experientially. You cannot talk yourself into feeling it. Even for experiment sake, if you decide to dispel all skepticism for a while and agree to it intellectually (which by the way is a valid way to try it out), how do you then take this belief and just be it? How do you actually experience it for yourself? How does a Christian who nods in church, or a Muslim who prays five times a day with the hope of cleansing himself through meditation on Allah’s pure instruction, or a Hindu who sways with eyes closed in euphoria and appreciation of a guru’s teachings, then go into the world and practice what they connected with and agreed with? How do they incorporate preaching into practice?

Well, by first of all being truly open to some of the purest sweetest knowledge that is just waiting to embrace you. This is not about religion. It is about you as soul energy… your true form. It is about you the awareness, the presence, the soul, which is not just some spirit that leaves your shell once you die, but is the creative capable life force that is meant to master your instrument… the mind. You, the soul, are the master of your life. So re-align to this power within and without. Don’t be slave to the affected artifact called the mind. How do you know if your mind is in or out of your control? Check it. Can you control when you want to think? Can you control consistently what kind of thoughts (positive vs. negative) you want to emanate from your mind? If the answer is no, you are a slave to it and it is in control of you.

So make the daily time for silent practice of awareness. This can be referred to as meditation… which means communion. Spend time uniting with your true self. This will empower you to gain control over your mind’s wasteful thinking, which is, most of its thinking if it frequently removes you from the necessary realities of your now.

Simultaneously, be aware of your thoughts, words, behaviors throughout the day… observe yourself. You and your life are worth taking a few seconds of time to do this throughout the day.

Also, if you are truly ready for changes in your life, the universe will bring you spiritual guidance in ways I cannot predict. For example, some ways I was guided recently…

· A half hour T.V. program in India called, “Awakening with Brahma Kumaris” which airs on Aastha network (the channel is available in other countries too I believe). My mother had mentioned the show to me like a year prior to the day I found myself watching it. From which point I voraciously drank its common sense knowledge and logical advice every day, like I would chocolate milk… my favorite drink. It was delicious knowledge. I also found myself at one of their centers which happened to be five minutes away from where I lived (there are no coincidences). I absorbed information they freely and lovingly and non-coercively offered. If I saw or heard things I did not find the value in incorporating into my life, I didn’t. But I was humble and open in my process. The sisters at the center were some of my spiritual companions. As I grew clearer and stronger within, we even came to exchanging knowledge through conversations and books. There was no hierarchy. A very sweet experience. I recall it in this moment fondly and know why they came into my life with the messages I needed to hear.

Other spiritual guides in my life particularly during the last five months have been:

· Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power of Now. I listen to it on my ipod regularly.

· Gary Zukav’s book The Seat of Soul (which I first read in 1999 and re-read in 2009.)

· Videos of Abraham Hicks I watched on u-tube. (Google it… check out the videos on their website too.)

· And the friend who introduced me to Eckhart Tolle’s book and who also mentioned The Seat of the Soul (which reminded me that I had really valued it in 1999 and that I still had it). This friend also pointed me in the direction of Abraham as presented by the Hicks.

· Author Eknath Easwaran has been another wonderful experience through several of his books.

These spiritual guides have been a few gems who made their way into my life upon my renewed search. There, of course, have been other influences throughout my life. My point is, there are roads to your Truth, your freedom, and the ones that are meant for you will find you… if you humble your way to wanting them.

These simple spiritual truths can then, consciously and step by step, be applied by you into your life, flushing out the old ideas of who you are, what you are capable of and how the world of relationships and success and everything else works. These truths will replace a reality where pain is inevitable and you are a helpless bearer of its recurring burdens, big and small. This process is the true meaning of taking responsibility for your life. Nobody can do it for you. Not even a spiritual teacher. They can only point you in directions… you have to walk the walk yourself… with the intrinsic knowing that you are not alone.

Some pointers:

· Make the time every day to align yourself with a connection to the power in you. Just a little time to align yourself with the eternal energy in and around you… ask your questions and listen for the answers as they appear along your path. Shed your judgmental approach … and I keep stressing this point… humble yourself (or maybe you’ll need to hurt enough to fall into humbleness… that’s cool too.) Your emerging wisdom requires humility.

· Don’t read the daily paper first thing in the morning… it is mostly sensationalized negativity. Nourish yourself with liberating messages, gratitude and spiritual truths as a habitual morning practice. Then read whatever you need to. You will find yourself one day absorbing news from a different perspective… a higher perspective… a more powerful and knowing perspective.

· Feel grateful for what you have and you will be given more reasons to feel grateful. Focus on this feeling of gratefulness. Tune yourself to the frequency that matches the feeling of receiving what you want. Use silent awareness of the power of positive energy within you… it will heal your doubts… thus opening up your blockages. This will allow for your pure essence to flow… your sense of wholeness… and you will feel lighter. You will appreciate easily the simple gifts in your life. You will deeply experience gratitude.

· If you want to experience love, you will have to allow it to emerge from all the baggage that has covered it up inside you. Do not keep adding to the weight of baggage by thinking or talking about a loss of love. Do not energize the opposite in its various forms… anger, irritation, frustration, loneliness… if you feel any of these, observe the feeling without judging or analyzing. Don’t decide who you are based on the negativity you are feeling. Just watch with the knowingness of who you really are… the observer… a compassionate and wise soul who has been forgotten for some time. And the negativity within will on its own dissolve away. If you allow the feeling to be you in its wholeness (lose yourself in it, identify yourself with it) you are empowering the false you, the scared you. When you are simply observing your negative emotions without identifying with them, you are at jihad (holy war) within… this is a non-violent battle, and you will prevail with practice. Be kind and loving with yourself in this process… and love will conquer all. It will flow through you more and more and this will even further heal more of your own wounds as it flows removing blockages along the way. This will empower you. Calm you. Then it will automatically help those who are in your life. You will increasingly accomplish this through repeated communion with your true self.  You, the pure energy within and without, will know the experience of true love within… and you will have it to offer to others in the world.

· If you want to feel joy, don’t talk about pain. Don’t energize the false self, the drama addict who sometimes gets off the wagon only to return to it, the ego. Talk about the joy in your life. And if you don’t know what the joy in your life is, figure it out and focus on it. Write it down. You will be amazed how much you have to be grateful for that you are taking for granted. Feel joyful about these things, these people, these abilities, these attributes, these moments in your life every morning when you rise. Start your day with the truth of your inherent positive energy. And carry this positive joyful energy with you, pulling yourself out of the midst of activity for a minute here and there to acknowledge this energy with awareness several times a day. Take brief time-outs to do just this… you are worth it. And so is the life you want to create.

· If you want to experience abundance, try not to put out verbiage of lack… not even in little statements here and there… you are giving off the wrong frequency… you are energizing fear and the feeling of deficiency. And you are reinforcing blockages, thus not allowing for a different experience. Yes, this could also be called the “law of attraction”. But don’t get bored with words and phrases and so discount them. Live the truth of the message in them… or don’t… either way, you are the creator of your resultant destiny.

I want to share with you the meaning of responsibility, as explained by sister Shivani of the Brahma Kumaris:

As we are growing up, we are taught that “responsibility” is showing up to do things in this world… going to school, doing your homework, cleaning your room, studying hard, getting good grades, getting a job, providing for yourself and for dependents… but what we were never taught was the real meaning of responsibility. The meaning is in the word itself… response ability… your ability to respond. Not react, but your ability to respond to any given situation. Most of us do not even know we have a choice in our response ability… in how we can choose to respond to people, situations, to even our own hopes, fears and anxieties. And since most of us were not taught this in school or at home, we will have to teach it to ourselves as adults.

We will have to parent our scared vulnerable child within, who acts out of reactive patterns and becomes his or her own worst enemy in challenging situations, while still managing to fulfill the external world’s idea of responsibilities.

Parenting your hurting child, from my experience, is the way to free yourself from pain when confronted with a situation. If you find yourself acting or reacting with anger or pain in a situation (or any other form of negative emotion), then you need to pause and use your power of non-judgmental self-observation. If possible, stop reacting… allow yourself the time to recognize your own reaction as your own insecurities emerging. There is no situation that you cannot respond to effectively if you first see the emergence of your own emotional reactions as opportunity for self-healing and personal growth. This is the path to your freedom from suffering.

As a daily practice, catch the drama in your mind… the incessant dialogues of your thoughts. Eknath Easwaran once said that when he would catch a scene playing in his mind, he would suddenly exclaim out loud, “Good show!” and then laughing, move on with renewed awareness. I too do this. In fact i find myself even applauding at times! Its great fun!

And if you are wondering how to watch your thoughts… just try this… As Eckhart Tolle suggested in his best-selling book The Power of Now, keep a look out for your next thought like a cat watching for the mouse to exit its mouse hole. Try it. Try it now…

You will find it takes some time before a thought arises. This is because you are the present and alert and aware be-ing, you are not your thinking. You can in fact be without thinking when you choose to and practice it. This is who you truly are… the be-ing. And there is great wisdom and power in this being. I know I am repeating myself… but only because your be-ing is that important to your freedom from recurring suffering.

You are the alert observer of your emotions and thoughts who has unknowingly handed over the controls of your life to the incessant sporadic workings of a noisy and affected mind. As you work to consciously detach yourself from thoughts that just love to BARGE in randomly… and a lot of them are draining thoughts… you eventually will find your ability to detach your self from them when you so wish to… to not have them… even if for only a few moments at first. This is beautiful progress. You are on your way to your salvation! Do this anywhere. Sense the silence of the energy within you as you wait in line at the DMV, or in the baggage check-in line at the airport, or as you are barely crawling in traffic. This doesn’t send you anywhere else… it brings you into total alertness and awareness of the present moment now… a very comfortable and creative place to be… I would say it feels like home sweet home. And in this now, you can accept all that is as it is… without emotional upheavals. And anything you cannot accept, you can effectively take steps to change without any feeling of negativity or resistance.

Just watch over a period how your effort at being alert and a detached observer of your negative thoughts and/or emotions magically transmute your pain and dis-ease into peace and a liberating sense of joy… even bliss! And how this bliss, peace, joy is within your reach at your beck and call. What a tremendous sense of security! And then also watch as you progressively “grow up” to respond to challenging situations clearly, creatively, effectively, joyfully, fairly, fearlessly, lovingly, compassionately… artistically. And when you do not handle things well, just becoming aware that you did not, brings you so much closer to being more able to the next time you are faced with handling a life situation. Hey, we are all works in progress! But let us progress all the same and none the less.

What is also key to being able to do this is realizing that the things in your life that you have considered a “problem” are in fact situations. And the word “problem”, another unfortunate gift of negative thinking passed down through generations of unconscious reactions to situations, has made you feel burdened by your fear of being unable to change your pain into peace in a given situation. You want to change the situation (that you have labeled a “problem”) rather than your reaction to it. But you have it in you to manage yourself as life brings on changes and challenges. Your response-ability has been kept a secret from you… and as a result, over a period, has been hampered into reactions.

All the power you need to unshackle your strengths–the power within you to respond with non-confrontational strength and love for the sake of true growth and freedom from your own negative feelings, and that too with the assurance of peace in your heart and clarity in your mind– is yours to experience, regardless of where you are in your life situation today.

Peace is you.

And you are a creative gift to this world.

Be the creative artist you were born to be… no matter what your job or career in the external world.

Create your life starting with this moment… the only moment in time that actually exists… and so knowing…

that it is never never never too late.